"I'm seeing people in a whole new way," says Phillip Swann, president of OnHD.TV, an online magazine. "If somebody's aging or if they've got any old acne damage, it just jumps out at you. They've got no chance." The editors of OnHD.TV examined several dozen stars and compiled a list of heartthrobs who (they claim) wither under the unblinking gaze of high-def, including Cameron Diaz ("littered with unfortunate pockmarks"), Jewel (whose makeup "looks like it was done by Ringling Brothers") and Bill Maher ("scary"). I've seen the effect myself: when I recently watched a high-def close-up of Bradley Whitford -- a handsome star of The West Wing -- a normally insignificant mark on his forehead suddenly stood out like a third eye. I couldn't stop staring.

The high-def format's merciless gaze isn't solely a matter of screen resolution. Color is a factor, too. For years, government standards have limited the range of colors available to broadcasters, based on the technological limits of the time. With high-def, more colors can be used, including some formerly forbidden shades of red -- which means that blotches, zits and tiny nose-veins can be presented with the brutal clarity of a surgery textbook.

"It's almost too realistic, too digital and computery," complains Alexis Vogel, a veteran celebrity makeup artist who recently worked on Stacked, a high-def show starring Pamela Anderson. "We'd all like to go back to the old days." Makeup artists are now engaged in an arms race with the new medium. But they face a paradox: while makeup is more necessary than ever, its artifice is more obvious. You can't slather on powder when every grain looks like a boulder on your client's face. And interestingly, many cosmeticians predict that high-def could actually reduce the amount of plastic surgery in Hollywood, because the tiny seams look Frankensteinian at such high resolution. High-def is, in essence, a medium peculiarly unsuited to dissembling. "It's harder to change people from their natural form," Vogel adds.

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Dancing With the Stars is a Hit

ABC executives were shocked to find out that their new reality TV show, Dancing With the Stars was a ratings hit in its Wednesday night slot. Its debut was one of the most watched programs of last week, and this week's ratings simply blew away the competition. The reality series, which pairs celebrities and professional dancers in a competition, averaged 14.9 million viewers and a 4.7 rating/14 share in the demographic, according to preliminary ratings results from Nielsen Media Research. That's up from the 13.5 million viewers who watched the debut last week. Viewers just loved watching Evander Holyfeld and Rachel Hunter trip the light fantastic.

The ballroom dancing competition series also grew its ratings strongly from its first half-hour to its second (adding over a million viewers in the process) -- indicating that unlike Britney Spears' new UPN reality show, viewers liked what they saw and are likely to tune back in again.

Dancing with the Stars' surprisingly strong debut ranked it as the most watched summer series premiere since CBS's smash-hit Survivor premiered back on May 31, 2000 and as the best Adults 18-49 summer debut since the NBC's Last Comics Standing premiered on June 10, 2003.

In an unusual bit of network candor, even the ABC executive responsible for the series had acknowledged odd nature of the series. "I am fully aware that this may sound like the craziest show anyone has ever heard of," ABC alternative programming executive vice president Andrea Wong had stated in the network's April announcement of the six-episode series.

"But in a world where it's easier for reality series to imitate than innovate, I just loved how fresh this format is. And the show's global success just shows how audiences around the world find it to be surprising, and undeniably fun," she added.

We think it's the whole Shall We Dance Effect. Jennifer Lopez has made ballroom dancing hot.

Posted on June 9, 2005
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Tom Cruise Loses It on Oprah

Well, apparently it's official. Tom Cruise is officially off his rocker, bigtime. He was so cute and likeable in Risky Business, Top Gun and even in Minority Report. We loved his marriage to Nicole Kidman. But somehow, after that divorce, it all went downhill. First, there was the giant Church of Scientology tent on the set of War of the Worlds, where cast and crew were welcome to get a massage. Then, he starts a PR blitz about his love life the likes of which no one has ever seen from the normally taciturn star. (Well, taciturn when the press asked him questions about his love life, anyway).

So then he announces to the world that he caught an episode of Dawson's Creek, was blown away by 26 year-old Katie Holmes, and asked her out on a date. The next thing we know, they're holed up at the Hotel Hassler in Rome, in a rose-strewn suite and canoodling in public. Then, he gives an interview with -- wait for it -- the most obnoxious presence on entertainment TV, Billy Bush of Access Hollywood. In that interview, he bags on poor, sad Brooke Shields for taking Paxil to combat her post-partum depression. He said she should have taken Scientology Vitamins instead of "mind-altering drugs" and then made a snide remark about how her career's going nowhere. What in the world did Brooke Shields ever do to him?

But all of that was just the appetizer to the full meltdown on The Oprah Winfrey Show yesterday. "I can’t be cool. I can’t be laid-back," an exuberant Cruise told Oprah. "Something happened and I want to celebrate it."

The New York Daily News shares:

A starry-eyed Cruise got down on his knees and repeatedly jumped up on the couch like a Robin Williams comedy act, saying that his love for Holmes was "beyond cool."

Will he propose? His answer did more than leave the door open. "I’m going to discuss it with her," the twice-divorced actor said. "Honestly, I haven’t (had this kind of experience before)."

Later in the show, Cruise went backstage to bring out Holmes, who was quoted in Seventeen magazine last fall as saying she grew up wanting to marry the Risky Business star. "I’m glad I was a big dreamer," she told Winfrey.

Before he dragged Katie onstage for an impromptu makeout session, he tried to get Oprah in a hammer lock, but she fended him off. (Apparently, all those workout sessions with Bob Greene have paid off.)

We feel faint now. More as the story develops.

Posted on May 25, 2005
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We Can't Handle Britney's Truth

Ok, we'd seen Nick and Jessica on Newlyweds. And that worked. But in Britney and Kevin: Chaotic's first hour, Britney herself wielded the digital recorder on just about everyone but herself. Frankly, the first fifteen minutes were boring. Then it got a little more interesting as Britney filmed paparazzi trying to get shots of her and she started to ask some of her assistants personal questions. Surely now she's going to talk about her beauty routine, exercise routine or practice some dance steps? Apparently not.

Britney has an appealing sweet side to her that does come through on the show. She doesn't seem spoiled or mean. Just unbelievably silly. But we think CNN's Tucker Carlson got it right. When asked what he thought about Britney after he interviewed her, he replied that he just couldn't get past how very young she seemed. In these home movies, she acts and sounds like she's about 14 years old (there were endless shot of her filming up her own nose, or making pig faces). There were some interesting clips of her getting ready to go on stage -- she is clearly completely fearless when it comes to performing -- and a total pro. When it gets really hard to watch is when he appears and by he we mean Britney's now-husband, then crush -- the absolutely ghastly and horrifically lazy Kevin Federline -- who takes longer to get ready in the morning than the world's most famous pop idol. He's taciturn. He's grumpy most of the time. He "doesn't believe in marriage" (no doubt that's what he told poor Shar Jackson). But most surprising of all -- he's a redneck with a horrible southern accent, which is really weird considering that he was born in Fresno, California. ("Payba-a-ack's a biatch, Britnaaaaaaay" he drawled when she filmed him in the shower.) A redneck, no good, two-timing, freeloading gigolo. Our heads are starting to hurt now.

Tony, Britney's bodyguard took an instant dislike to the Foul Federline and wasn't shy about saying so on camera. The scenes from next week show the large Tony squashing K-Fed into the floor like a bug, which made us very happy.

The most striking thing about the film is Britney's naïveté and immaturity. She is the opposite of her fearless stage personality. She appears vulnerable and desperate for anyone's affection. She also seems unaware that at the time these videos were shot Foul Federline's girlfriend Shar Jackson was at home in California, pregnant with K-Fed's second child. We wanted to stop the tape and yell "Britney what are you thinking? He's a snake!" But it's far too late for some sage dating advice -- and that's what made it hard to watch. Britney's continual burping and incessant exclamations of "Ya'll I'm such a dork!" weren't easy to bear, either.

Ok, fine, it's a train wreck. We'll tune in next week -- but only to see the Foul Federline get squished by Tony.

Posted on May 18, 2005
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The Return of Gumby

It's been 50 years since the little claymation figure named Gumby was introduced. Of late, Gumby hasn't been much in the spotlight. But with a 50 year anniversary and a new art exhibit, Gumby is ready for his comeback. Gumby has a game coming out this summer and a DVD with episodes from the 1980s. And it's nice to hear that 83 year-old Gumby creator Art Clokey is still active, as well.

"Gumby and Friends: The First 50 Years" attracted fans of all ages at Saturday's opening at the historic Lynn House Gallery in Antioch, about 45 miles northeast of San Francisco. Creator Art Clokey, now 83, signed Gumby figurines at the two-story exhibit, which featured photographs, toys and other memorabilia.

The Museum of the Moving Image in New York City will begin a six-month long exhibition in mid-June featuring Gumby and his creator, Clokey.

Hey, we like Gumby!

Posted on May 17, 2005
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Britney and Kevin: Chaotic Expected to Overload Tivos Everywhere Tonight

At last it's here: the debut of Chaotic, the behind the scenes look at the elegant style and timeless love of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. The show, which is expected to overload Tivos everywhere, airs tonight on UPN at 9:00 pm Eastern time. Fox News (via The New York Post) has the scoop:

A raw, personal