• Invoke history. No less a great American than Benjamin Franklin favored installing the turkey, not the bald eagle, as our national symbol. "For in truth the Turk'y is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America," remarked Franklin. "He is (though a little vain and silly, it is true, but not the worse emblem for that) a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a grenadier of the British Guards, who should presume to invade his farm yard with a red coat on." Cast your decision not to eat the noble bird as an act of respect for one of our greatest founding fathers. Then accuse everyone at the table of hating you for your freedom.
  
  
• Get involved in serious dish-passing. Situate yourself between food-medicating uncles and hormonal nephews. Make like a seasoned air traffic controller and wave by dish after dish. Not only will you never have to eat the glop on your plate, but you'll also finally tone up those hideous man wrists.
  
  *****
  
  
• Offer political motivations for your refusal to eat. Declare, "I am not eating until there's peace in Darfur." Distribute heartbreaking photos downloaded from savedarfur.org and darfurgenocide.org. Pack up as many uneaten entrees as you can in Ziploc bags and pledge to donate the booty to the people who really need it. Alternately, tie your refusal to eat to the inability of gays to wed. That's how Angelina Jolie does it.

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No Christmas Presents For Rocco, Lourdes and David

Guy Ritchie revealed that he and Madonna banned Christmas presents a few years ago and as a result they actually enjoy the holiday more now. But what about Lourdes, Rocco and little David? Do they enjoy getting no Christmas presents?

"We canceled Christmas a few years ago," Ritchie, the 39-year-old director of Snatch, told PEOPLE. "Stopped all the presents. And ever since [we] stopped the presents, we're are actually enjoying it."

So this year's celebration will be a quiet affair. "We are not sure what we are doing," he added. "Probably staying in London."

As for who's doing the cooking, Ritchie replied, "Well, it's not me!"

Does this have something to do with Kabbalah? Do they at least get Hannukah presents? Or a special dinner? And if Guy isn't cooking, who is? All burning questions that we need answered.

Posted on November 20, 2007
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Easter Horror at the Movies

Some families got a nasty surprise on Easter weekend. When they took their kids to see a screening of The Last Mimzy they instead were shown graphic scenes from The Hills Have Eyes 2, a horror film with lots of violence and mutants.

The story starts in Holtsville, New York, at the Island 16 theatre. According to National Amusements, the owner of the theater on Long Island, The Hills Have Eyes 2 was scheduled to be shown at 10:25pm in the same theater as The Last Mimzy, which was scheduled for 8pm. Someone jumped the gun and put The Hills Have Eyes 2 in early, causing havoc. If you haven't seen The Hills Have Eyes 2 (and consider yourself lucky), the film opens with a graphic birth of a mutant by a battered woman who is then killed. It's hideous and immediately disturbing - the kind of thing that many adults are unlikely to forget, much less their toddler children.

In a case of really bad timing, Frank Doll, a resident of Mastic, was in the audience with his 3 year-old son and pregnant wife. Doll told Newsday, "My wife is eight months pregnant and he's been asking, 'Is that what mommy's going to have?'" Doll said. 'We've been trying to explain that all day.'"

The Associated Press spoke to Anthony Rasco, another man who was in the audience for The Last Mimzy and he said, "There were kids that were crying, there were people trying to cover the kids' eyes, they were caught off guard."

The theater apologized, but that's one Easter weekend that no one will soon forget.

Posted on April 12, 2007
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Royal Mail Delivers Letter With No Address

A Christmas card sent by a Welsh steelworker with only a name, a map and the words "somewhere here" actually made it to its destination reports the Sun Online.

Crafty Paul Bates sent a Christmas card to a long-lost pal in this envelope with NO street name, NO town, NO postcode - yet it arrived!

The steel worker, 48, had forgotten the name of the town workmate Peter O'Leary moved to from Neath, South Wales, three years ago.

But he recalled Peter had pointed it out on a map. So he put a dot on a sketch of the South West Peninsula, wrote "somewhere here" and hoped for the best.

The Sun Online article says the postcard was delivered nine days later by the UK Royal Mail. The letter made it thanks to a postman who recognized the name written on the card. (via Boing Boing)

Posted on January 17, 2007
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Giant Gavle Goat Survives Christmas

The BBC reports that the giant Gavle goat has survived the holidays thanks to extra flame-proofing. This is only the 11th time the 43-foot goat has survived being burned down or destroyed in the history of the giant goat.

The giant 13m (43ft) goat in the city of Gavle was dismantled after surviving Christmas for only the 11th time.

Goats of Christmas past have been burned down on 22 occasions, ram-raided or simply smashed to pieces.

Authorities said the goat's longevity in 2006 was down to a special flame-resistant chemical coating.

"If the Gavle goat hadn't been impregnated with flame-resistant chemicals, we would have been left with a black skeleton," said Anna Oestman, a member of the city's goat committee.

In 2005, arsonists dressed as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man burned the goat to the ground.

The goat will now being stored in a secret location until next Christmas when it will be threatened again by arsonists and other giant straw goat haters. You can read more about the huge straw goat ritual here and here.

Posted on January 6, 2007
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Go Elf Yourself

Elf Yourself is a fun website at www.elfyourself.com from OfficeMax that allows consumers to make elves out of themselves. The site says:

This holiday, get what you've always wanted. The miraculous ability to turn yourself into an elf. Upload a picture of your face, record your message, then send this toy singin' version of yourself to a friend.

To begin the Elfamorphosis you just need to upload a picture which will be converted into an elf. It is very silly thing OfficeMax has come up with but at least it isn't another giant ball of rubberbands.

Update 7-30-07: The Elf Yourself site is currently down. The site says that soon Elf Yourself 2.0 will be available. Apparently, it lets you "elf the heck out of yourself." That sounds like something we would like to do. We can't wait.

Posted on December 22, 2006
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Sienna Miller Helps Santa

Sienna Miller recently helped Santa Claus unveil Cartier's holiday bow and window display.

Sienna Miller, actress starring in the upcoming film "Factory Girl," kicked off the holiday season unveiling the beloved Cartier holiday bow and windows on November 14th, 2006, dressed in Vintage 1937 Cartier Paris jewels, including an 18K Yellow Gold Ring, Earrings and Bracelet with Diamonds and Lapis. For the 27th year, Cartier wrapped the Fifth Avenue Mansion in a traditional red holiday ribbon and decorated the facade of the building with signature red Cartier boxes with a special Love motif inspired by the Love jewelry collection. The 215 foot ribbon and 8 foot bow was completely lit, with 95,000 custom red LED lights, representing the largest display of custom LED's in New York City. As crowds gathered on the street anxiously awaiting for the building to light up, the famous Santa to the Stars entertained children and guests, setting the holiday mood. Hot chocolate and holiday cookies were on hand as Frederic de Narp, President and CEO of Cartier North America, greeted guests welcoming the holiday season to New York.

Miller's next film is Factory Girl. In the film she plays socialite and actress Edie Sedgwick. Guy Pearce is playing Andy Warhol in the movie.

Posted on December 5, 2006
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Santa Surfing on a FlowRider Surf Simulator

This very cool Santa photograph shows Santa Claus hanging ten on a FlowRider surf simulator. The photograph is from Royal Caribbean's newest cruise ship, Freedom of the Seas. Santa Claus will be appearing on some Royal Caribbean cruise ships this year as Royal Caribbean International is gearing up to transform its fleet into floating "Winter Wonderlands." The cruise ships will include decorations, holiday music, eggnog, holiday talent shows, ice skating, caroling, pictures with Santa and arts and crafts -- which is all great unless you were planning on leaving that all behind you this holiday season.

Posted on December 2, 2006
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President Bush Pardons Two Turkeys

President Bush has pardoned two turkeys named Flyer and Fryer. This is the 59th anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation and past presidents have traditionally granted the National Thanksgiving Turkey a "pardon." Flyer is the National Thanksgiving Turkey and Fryer is the alternative. These names beat out other names in a public vote that included Corn and Copia, Ben and Franklin, Plymouth and Rock and Washington and Lincoln.

The 2006 National Thanksgiving Turkey and its alternate are from Monett, Missouri and were raised under the direction of National Turkey Federation Chairman Mike Briggs. Mr. Briggs delegated the day-to-day responsibilities to Lynn Nutt of Monett. The birds are commercial turkeys used in normal industry production, and they were raised using the same techniques as other commercial birds. They were fed a regular diet of corn and soybean meal and were provided a continuous supply of fresh water.

A few minor modifications were made to prepare the birds for the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation. About 30 turkeys were removed from the normal commercial production flock and are being raised separately on Nutt’s farm. The birds are periodically hand fed and given additional interaction with people in an effort to acclimate them.

This year's turkeys get to go to the Disneyland Resort and Theme Park in Anaheim, California to be a part of the holiday display. They will stay there at the Disneyland Resort for the remainder of their lives. This year's turkeys are very lucky. Last year the National Thanksgiving Turkey named Marshmallow retired in Frying Pan Park in Fairfax County, Virginia -- Frying Pan Park is not a name that is likely to be comforting to a turkey.

Posted on November 23, 2006
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Carve a Virtual Pumpkin

This virtual Pumpkin Patch from iq Marketing lets you carve up a pumpkin without making a mess on your kitcken table and floor. There are three sizes of pumpkins to choose from. The tool even lets you place a lit candle inside the pumpking when are done. It's a good way to test out some of your crazier pumpkin carving ideas and see if they might actually work. Here are some details about the site from the press release.

Hundreds of pumpkins with just www.iqpumpkinpatch.com printed on them were mailed this past week by iq to help grow the patch. Pumpkins with the URL also showed up in surprising and unexpected places all over the Twin Cities and beyond.

Jan Finken, owner and CEO of iq Marketing said "In today's world of consumer generated messaging, you can send your message in so many ways. We are giving the consumer a new fun way to do this."

The site was programmed by Whoop Design. Romeo Azar of Whoop stated, "This site is amazing and it syncs perfectly with the culture of iq. It is always fun for us to design an application that promotes creativity."

You can also email your virtual carved pumpkins to a friend or add your carving to the virtual pumpkin patch.

Posted on October 28, 2006
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The Tackiest Halloween Display Ever

It just doesn't get any tackier than the guy who thought a recreating a plane crash in his front yard would be a funny thing to do for Hallween The Reuters Blog reports:

So, for a Halloween tableau this guy made his yard look for all the world like a plane crash site. I guess all the suicide bomber backdrops were already rented out. We're told the police visited his home, thinking the crash was real. All I know for sure is, a real 747 in flames could nose-dive straight into his house next week, and nobody would pay any attention, no matter what.

A mock-up of a plane crash is displayed as part of a Halloween display in the garden of a home in Los Angeles October 20, 2006. The homeowner is an aircraft mechanic in training and the parts are from a real Gulfstream jet. (REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson)

So far the comments about the display quite a bit of hostility towards the homeowner. We think that on Halloween night, he's going to be getting more tricks than treats. What a jerk.

Posted on October 23, 2006
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AAAARRRR! Talk Like A Pirate, Or Face the Consequences

Yes, it's already that time of year: it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. The founders of the international holiday told ABC News how it all got started:

"It started at the racketball court at the local YMCA; one of us reached a little too far for a shot, and let out an 'Arrr!' when something was strained that was best left unstrained. And then we just kept firing off broadsides to each other, and we realised the world needed a holiday where every man, woman and child were encouraged to talk like pirates," says John Baur of the reasons why this concept was dreamed up.

How did they start their international campaign?

"We contacted a syndicated columnist called Dave Barry, well-known in the States... he wrote about us and it all took off from there. We put together our website, talklikeapirate.com, and thing just kept building. We wrote a book... We're like two proud parents watching their child grow," he says.

You can find out more about this important holiday at TalkLikeAPirate.com.

Dave Barry sums it up best when he posted his thoughts about this special day:

ARRRRRRRRRRR

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

AAAARRRRR, indeed!

Posted on September 19, 2006
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Happy Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is an important North American holiday (with origins in Germany) where Americans and Canadians look to groundhogs to determine the next six weeks of weather. The forecast is complicated because there are multiple groundhogs each forecasting for a different region. Here is the forecast from a few of the groundhogs.

Punxsutawney Phil (Pennsylvania) -- six more weeks of Winter

Wiarton Willie (Ontario, Canada) -- early Spring

Shubenacadie Sam (Nova Scotia) -- early Spring

General Beau Lee (Georgia) -- early Spring

Birmingham Bill (Alabama) -- six more weeks of Winter

Jimmy the Groundhog (Sun Prairie, Wisconsin) -- early Spring

Groundhog Central has forecasts from dozens of other groundhogs. Punxsutawney Phil is arguably the best known groundhog. He was in the movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Punxsutawney Phil now even has Vaseline Intensive Care as a official sponsor. Since Phil saw his shadow you can get a free bottle of Vaseline here. Phil's website says he lives forever by drinking groundhog punch.

How many "Phils" have there been over the years? There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 120 years!

Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking "groundhog punch," a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it magically gives him seven more years of life.

Posted on February 2, 2006
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Surf's Up in California: Way Up

For Christmas, Californias has been hit with some monster waves.

Forget "King Kong." Monster waves storming ashore from Santa Barbara to San Diego are the really big show on the West coast, CBS News correspondent Bill Whitaker reports. The endless rush of eight to 15-foot waves yesterday drew crowds that could rival any movie theatre. They are dazzling, and dangerous.

"We've made rescues up and down the coastline here in Los Angeles County," lifeguard Garth Canning says. "Again, we have to tell everyone not just 'don't go in the water,' 'watch out even coming close to the edge of the ocean.'" Despite the warnings, bigger than normal waves and warmer than normal temperatures are proving irresistible to daredevil surfers, even though one surfer drowned.

"Days like that just make you really humble," a surfer says. "At the end of the day you just kind of nurse your wounds." Surfers may be the stars of this show. But the producer? A powerful winter storm about 1000 miles out there in the Pacific. By time the waves reach shore, they're packing a punch, washing over breaks, even tearing a chunk out of the Venice Beach pier. This is what you call pier pressure. The surf is more subdued today, but it's expected to reach spectacular heights again this weekend, which has surfers saying, 'Just try to beat this Christmas rush.'

Awesome, dude.

Posted on December 23, 2005
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Santas Compete in the Santa-thlon

Playing the role of Santa is now an annual sporting event thanks to the new annual Santha-thlon sponsored by Powerade. Powerade did donate $10,000 to The Salvation Army as part of the event so it was all for a good cause. Amateur Santas competed in several different events including delivering a plate of cookies, carrying 50-pound bags of toys, the fruitcake shot put and the chimney chute shuttle. Don't ask us to explain them.

First the Santarchy and now the Santa-thlon and both events we didn't hear about until they were over. Seriously these events with rampaging, running and fruitcake throwing Santas need better publicists. It's a disgrace.

Posted on December 20, 2005
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Santarchy Hits New Zealand

CNN International reports that 40 drunk people dressed up as Santa Claus went on a wild rampage throughout Auckland, New Zealand. The Bad Santas assaulted security guards, robbed stores, used public places as restrooms and generally made a complete nuisance of themselves.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy," began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an overpass, said Auckland Central Police spokesman Noreen Hegarty. She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on office buildings. One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by the captain. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff, who were later treated by paramedics, Hegarty said.

The remaining Santas entered another downtown convenience store and carried off beer and soft drinks. "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," store owner Changa Manakynda said.

*****

Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group, said Santarchy was a worldwide movement designed to protest the commercialization of Christmas.

Santarchy? We had never heard of this group of drunken, Santa costume-wearing activists. Perhaps they need better publicists.

Posted on December 20, 2005
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Make Your Own Snowflake

If you have some time to kill there is a nifty little snowflake maker online called Make a Flake. Don't get too excited because you can't create a real snowflake at Make a Flake -- only Mother Nature and ski resorts can do that. But you can make a digital snowflake on the website using virtual paper and virtual scissors. By cutting sections out of the piece of paper you are given you can create different snowflakes. If you really like one of the snowflakes you make you can even store it online in the gallery or download it to your computer. It's December so enjoy snowflakes while you can because you will be really tired of them by February.

Posted on December 13, 2005
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Marshmallow, the National Thanksgiving Turkey

Here is a photo of President George Bush pardoning Marshmallow, the National Thanksgiving Turkey. More about our National Thanksgiving Turkey can be found here on The White House website. The website says that the name Marshmallow was voted on by the public. There was even an alternate turkey named Yam in case something terrible happened to Marshmallow. The site also has information about the turkey's retirement schedule.

A few minor modifications were made to prepare the birds for the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation. About 30 turkeys were removed from the normal commercial production flock and are being raised separately on the Trites farm. The birds are periodically hand fed and given additional interaction with people in an effort to acclimate them.

Presidents traditionally have granted the National Thanksgiving Turkey a "pardon". For the past 15 years, the National Thanksgiving Turkeys and their alternates have been retired to Frying Pan Park in Fairfax County, Virginia. The farm is a 1930s-era replica farm operated by the Fairfax County Parks Department.

Frying Pan Park? Well at least the poor turkeys can retire safely even if the name might frighten them. Happy Thanksgiving Buzz readers!

Posted on November 24, 2005
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Butternut Squash Searches Up 279%

So Jason Lee Miller of WebProNews informs his readers.

"What's that got to do with anything?" you ask. For food and beverage websites, it has everything to do with it. As the holiday season approaches, reference sites posting recipes see a sudden spike in search engine-generated traffic. This year, just before Thanksgiving, everybody asking what the hell they're supposed to do with a butternut squash (and other vegetables) produced 48% of epicurean website traffic, according to Hitwise.

He then shares an ode to the Butternut Squash that he composed in honor of the occasion of his article:

An Ode To the Butternut Squash

Oh, Butternut Squash
Where do you come from
With your butternuttiness
And your squashy way?
My mothers says
Searching is futile
"The squash will find you,"
She says with a slap.
And I hope you do.

Absolutely brilliant.

Posted on November 21, 2005
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How to Make a Dr. Octopus Costume

Rob, the author of the Incredible Stuff I Made website, is offering detailed instructions for making an amazing Dr. Octopus costume.

Unlike my costumes in previous years (fish head, paparazzi, silver wings, California and Jenga), I decided on a unoriginal design. I went as Doctor Octopus, the super-villain foe of Spider Man. I didn't like using an unoriginal costume idea, but damn! It would be so cool to be Dr. Octopus, I couldn't resist!

Dr. Octopus, if you haven't heard of him, is a mad scientist who wields four flexible super-strong metal arms with large, strong pincers.

And of course no Dr. Octopus costume would be complete without a defeated Spider-man hero above its head.

I also thought it would be great to construct a defeated spider-man figure for the arms to be carrying, above his head.

Rob also talks about his participation in a costume contest where he was somehow defeated by a couple dressed as Jose Cuervo and Margarita. He was totally robbed. Tentacled villians get no respect these days. (Via Boing Boing)

Posted on October 15, 2005
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We Celebrate National Sandwich Month

Apparently, we've managed to go an entire week without realizing that it'sNational Sandwich Month. How we could have let this important holiday pass almost unoticed is beyond us. We do love a good sandwich: and who doesn't? Now that the Atkins diet has officially gone bankrupt, let the carbs run free! I Love Sandwiches is a good place to go to celebrate the love of sandwiches. We'd write more about the somewhat mysterious origins of National Sandwich Month, but we have to go whip up a club sandwich on toasted whole wheat with turkey, provolone, avocado, mayo and tomato.

Posted on August 8, 2005
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No Canada Day Fun For Corn Cob Bob

Corn Cob Bob, the mascot for the Canadian Renewable Fuels Association, was banned from this year's Canada Day festivities. Corn Cob Bob was originally given approval by the National Capital Commission to appear at this year's Canada Day event. Bob was given a booth and planned to hand out stickers and balloons -- but the decision was thwarted by Shell Canada, a big sponsor of this year's event. Apparently, Canada Day is not big enough for both Shell Canada and Corn Cob Bob. Shell Canada doesn't even deny kicking out Corn Cob Bob according to an Ottawa Sun news story:

As the "official fuel for Canada Day," sponsor Shell Canada filled the tanks of the Chrysler vehicles that NCC staff drove.

Shell Canada spokeswoman Benita Davis insisted the "significant amount of money" invested gave the company exclusive rights to advertise fuel at the celebration.

"We own the fuel category," said Davis. "We asked the organization to respect our exclusivity."

CBC Ottawa reports that the National Capital Commission told the Canada Renewable Fuel Association that there was a mixup and Corn Cob Bob will be welcomed back next year. In the meantime, Corn Cob Bob has a busy summer schedule -- he will be handing out balloons, temporary tattoos and teaching children about renewable fuels at 14 more events throughout the summer.

(Via Sploid)

Posted on July 6, 2005
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Jessica Simpson Livens Up the 4th of July

ABC decided to go with a sure thing last night and aired for the second time Nick and Jessica's Tour of Duty, which we somehow missed the first time around. Nick and Jess went to Germany to cheer up the troops, Jessica learned to shoot a rifle (nearly killing everyone present, then amazingly hitting the bulls-eye), Nick got to wear a giant padded suit and be attacked by a German Shepard, then Jimmy Kimmel asked why we still had troops in Germany: hadn't we already beaten them? But the highlight of the evening had to be an inebriated-looking Willie Nelson accompanying Jess in a fringed mini-dress and cowboots as she shimmied her way through a steamin' hot rendition of These Boots Are Made For Walkin'". It was the sexiest number Willie Nelson has ever been involved with in his entire career.

And in other breaking Jessica Simpson news, she poses on the cover of GQ magazine, which posits the theory that behind the blond facade there is a girl with an IQ of 160.

Simpson—who says if she weren't a star she'd be a therapist, like her minister/therapist-turned-Svengali father—does show distinct signs of an actual interior life. In her bags today, she carries In the Company of Soldiers by Rick Atkinson; The Painted Kiss by Elizabeth Hickey; The Book of Positive Quotations; a rhyming dictionary; The Oxford Dictionary of American Usage and Style; a paraphrased New Testament; "and then of course Nicholas Sparks," she says, holding up True Believer. These—along with a forty-gig iPod and Atkins-approved chocolate-mint cookies—are some of the tools Simpson is using to craft the next stage of her career.

It's a theory, anyway.

Posted on July 5, 2005
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