Tom: You know, Scientology is something that you don't understand. It's like, you could be a Christian and be a Scientologist, okay. Scientology is something—
Matt: So, it doesn't replace religion.
Tom: It is a religion. Because it's dealing with the spirit. You as a spiritual being. It gives you tools you can use to apply to your life.
.....
Tom: Do you know what Adderall is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug?
Matt: I understand the abuse of all these things --
Tom: [interrupting] Yeah but you don't understand the history of these drugs. And if you do, you know that it masks the problem. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance!
Matt: But --
Tom:No, Matt, I know these things --
....
Matt: So, depression -- is it all gobbledy gook?
Tom:No, Matt, I'm not saying that. That’s an alteration of what I'm saying. These drugs are dangerous, mind-altering chemicals. There are ways of handling these problems so that we don't end up in a Brave New World.
Matt: You want [other people] to do well, but you want them to do well on a road that you approve of.
Tom: No --
Matt: [interrupting] But if anti-depressants worked for Brooke Shields, isn't that OK?
Tom: I disagree with it.
Matt: But aren't there examples where it works?
Tom: You don't even know what Ritalin is! If you read the papers on how they came up with the drug, the dosage … You should be more responsible in knowing what it is. I am responsible. I know these things.
Matt: You're saying that you know how it affected people you don't know, but I do? You're now telling me that what has and hasn't worked for people I know, and I'm telling you I lived with these people and I saw an improvement.
Tom: So you're advocating?
Matt: No, I’m not. I'm just saying that in their individual cases, it helped them... We could go in circles on this matter. But do you want more people to understand Scientology? Is that a goal of yours?
Tom: Of course. And I don't talk about things I don’t understand.

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Lindsay Lohan News Update

There's been so much breaking Lindsay Lohan news in the last couple of news cycles, that it's been hard for fans to keep up. To summarize:

• On his way to jail for assault, Lindsay's dad tells a judge that he heard his daughter had a drug overdose. She denies it. Uh, thanks a lot, dad.
• Disney execs removed La Lindsay from all the posters of Herbie: Fully Loaded because they thought the posters looked dated because of the star's new blond locks and very slim physique. Of course, the posters would have matched how she looks in the film (not as thin, with red hair), so that excuse makes no sense whatsoever.
• In another diss to its biggest star, Disney played Lindsay's song over the closing credits of the film, instead of during a big race scene. They didn't bother to tell Lindsay about the change, although she worked double shifts during the filming in order to get the album completed. She found out during the premiere and stalked out of the film, furious. And who could blame her?
• Lindsay told Access Hollywood "You will never see me in a nude scene. Then there's no mystery for my private life."
• Lindsay's uncle, Paul Sullivan, was arrested at his Long Island, New York home this week on suspicion of mail fraud involving funds targeted for post-9/11 small-business relief. Sullivan, who is Lindsay's mom's brother, applied for a $1.5 million load from the U.S. Small Business Administration, and then allegedly did something terrible after that that doesn't make a bit of sense to us.

The Lohan Clan is going to get its own special reporter on Court TV, if they don't settle down.

Posted on June 24, 2005
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Single Neuron for Each Celebrity

Scientists have discovered that you have one neuron in your brain reserved for each celebrity you know; that cell is repsonsible for recognizing the face of that person alone. So, tucked away inside your brain, is one cell which codes for Paris Hilton, one for Tom Cruise, one for Halle Berry and one for Thomas Mesereau Jr., Michael Jackson's attorney with the fabulous mane of silver hair. Nature has more on this somewhat disturbing scientific finding:

Quian Quiroga also found that a lone neuron in one subject responded selectively to various pictures of the actress Halle Berry - as well as drawings of her and her name written down. Other cells were found to respond to images of characters in The Simpsons or members of The Beatles.

The team thinks that these brain cells probably respond to a range of different items, but that this limited study didn't include all the various pictures that might make a particular cell light up.

Despite appearing to find a 'Halle Berry cell', notes Martin Tovee, a neuroscientist at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, who has conducted similar research in monkeys, "nobody's saying that it's a grandmother cell". Nevertheless, the researchers say the results hint that we might use fewer brain cells to recognize familiar objects than previously thought.

Scientists said that the finding may explain why people are able to recognize celebrities even when they're at a Starbucks in dark glasses, a hat and no makeup. There's a little cell in your brain that can recognize Jennifer Aniston no matter what disguise she wears. (Via Boing Boing)

Posted on June 23, 2005
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X-Men Accuse Sony of Mutant Infringement

E reports that the X-Men are really unhappy. 20th Century Fox and comic book publisher Marvel Enterprises pulled out the big gun lawyers and filed a whopping lawsuit which accuses Sony Pictures and Revolution Studios of infringing on the X-Men copyright and generally violating all applicable laws. The fuss is over a new Sony movie called Zoom, which stars Tim Allen as an aging superhero called out of retirement to teach a school of talented but untrained mutant children. Sound familiar? Sony also has moved the release date of Zoom to just three weeks before the next X-Men movie, which debuts on Memorial Day, 2006.

"Zoom's release in May 2006 immediately before the release of X3 (or any release in proximity to the release of X3) is an unfair attempt by Sony and Revolution to manipulate the market and trade off the time, energy, resources and effort Marvel have invested in X-Men," court papers state. The complaint seeks monetary damages as well as an injunction forcing Sony to postpone Zoom's opening. Fox and Marvel are also asking for a court order requiring Sony to strip Zoom's screenplay of any X-Men-like material. Sony, Revolution and their attorney, Bert Fields, declined to comment, citing pending litigation. Zoom, which hasn't begun shooting, is based on a graphic novel by Jason Lethcoe and stars the Home Improvement thesp as Jack, aka Captain Zoom, a former superhero called out of retirement to train a group of teen wannabes with mutant powers at a private academy to battle bad guys. The only problem is he's lost his own powers. The film costars Courteney Cox as a scientist with the secret agency in charge of the superhero school and Chevy Chase as the head of the agency.

In Fox and Marvel's view, Zoom's storyline is way too similar to the premise of its X-Men series, which stars Patrick Stewart as Professor Charles Xavier who teaches a group of mutants at a private academy how to utilize their special powers to defeat an evil mutant terrorist organization.

Zoom, which is a comedy, sounds like a cross between Spaceballs and Galaxy Quest.

Posted on June 23, 2005
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The Onion 6-22-56

If you haven't read The Onion from the future then you should check it out here. We especially like the Million Robot March that was attended by exactly 1 million robots.

The Million Robot March, an orderly demonstration for increased rights for cyber-mechanical servants, was attended by exactly 1 million robots Sunday.

Posted on June 22, 2005
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The Powerful Spell of Grapefruit

A new study has found that men under the powerful spell of grapefruit aroma think the women around them are six years younger than they actually are. The effect is similar to beer goggles, only the men are totally sober. An article at Phillyburbs.com describes the study:

They took 37 men and women and asked them to estimate the age of models in photographs while wearing masks infused with the odors of grapefruit, cucumbers and grapes and then while wearing plain surgical masks.

Grapes and cucumbers produced no results, but when wearing the grapefruit masks, the participants overall estimated the models to be three years younger.

But when it was broken down by gender, the women smelling grapefruit registered no perceptible difference in the models' ages, while the men guessed them to be six years younger.

The article also says that the researchers literally smeared middle-aged women with broccoli, banana, spearmint leaves and lavender but this did not make men think they were younger. Only grapefruit worked. So, if you want to look younger we recommend carrying a grapefruit or two around in your purse. Or, you could carry a grapefruit spray and secretly release it when in the presence of a man you want to think you are six years younger. As long as the object of your affections a) isn't allergic to grapefruit, b) hasn't read the medical study in question or c) really prefers older women, it's absolutely foolproof.

Posted on June 21, 2005
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Ref Peeved Over Women Tennis Players' Grunting

Wimbledon referee Alan Mills has had enough of loud female grunting on the tennis courts, and wants it stopped. One of the worst offenders is the youthful Maria Sharapova, who reportedly makes a 100-decibel grunt. That's as loud as a small aircraft landing nearby.

Grunting noises made by female tennis players as they strike the ball are getting out of hand, and rules should be changed to crack down on the practice, Wimbledon referee Alan Mills has said, according to a report.

Mills, Wimbledon's chief official for 22 years who retires after this week's tournament, which begins on Monday, told The Sunday Times he believed coaches were teaching young women players to grunt. "I don't like it at all. Today there is probably more grunting than there has ever been," he said. "If I was playing an opponent making so much noise, I think I'd just laugh. But it's what young players are being coached to do. Many of the non-grunting players are unhappy about the noise pollution and a kind of counter-grunt culture has emerged in recent years whereby offended parties ape their opponent's noises."

He added: "Officials can only act if the player is shown to be making the noise on purpose, which is virtually impossible to do."

We have to admit that we were a little surprised to hear loud grunting emanating from the TV and discovering that it was a women's tennis match. We thought it was a wrestling match. But what if Ms. Sharapova can't play her best without imitating a landing aircraft? Let the woman grunt, howl or whoop as need be.

Posted on June 21, 2005
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Live Longer With Friends

Discovery Channel reports on a new study of 1,500 Aussies over a 10 year period that found that friends can help you live longer. The people who had the strongest group of friends lived longer on average than those who had fewer friends. The study also found that close contact with kids or relatives did not change survival rates -- only friends did.

Close contact with children and relatives had little impact on survival rates over the 10 years.

A network of good friends was, in statistical terms, equivalent to a 22 percent reduction in the risk of dying during this period when compared to those who had close ties with their children or other relatives.

An editorial released along with the study speculated that the stress-reducing benefit friends can provide might explain why good friends can prolong life.

Posted on June 20, 2005
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Cruise Restrains Himself in London

The Times reports on Tom Cruise's encounter with London Channel 4's latest attempt to punk a celebrity. The station sent a fake reporter with a fake microphone to attend a walkabout where Cruise was meeting fans. The "reporter" put a water gun that looked like a microphone in the star's face and sprayed him with water, hoping for an explosive reaction. But Cruise surprised everyone. From the clip on CNN this morning, Cruise looked like he wanted to pound the guy's face in, but showed admirable restraint, electing instead for a tersely delivered lecture and restraining the jokester so he couldn't melt away into the crowd. The joke bombed for the show, and the entire crew is facing assault charges. As one commentator noted on CNN, "How do you know what was being sprayed? It might not have been water." Good point.

The crew was shooting a comedy sketch at last night's London premiere of the War of the Worlds, where Cruise and fiancee Katie Holmes, who got engaged in Paris last Friday, were greeting the crowds. As he answered questions from journalists a bogus reporter, wearing a white and green T-shirt, stuck out a joke microphone and used it to squirt water into Cruise's face. The actor struggled to keep his cool, turning on the man to say: "Why would you do that ... why would you do that ... why would you do that?" As the interviewer offered a barely audible excuse, Cruise said: "That's incredibly rude. I'm here giving you an interview and you do that ... it's incredibly rude. Do you like thinking less of people, is that it?... You're a jerk ... jerk ... you're a jerk."

Cruise then held the man back before security guards escorted him into the Odeon cinema, where he was arrested along with the three members of his crew. A spokeswoman for the star was quoted as saying today: "Tom does want to take action but we will decide in due course what that will be. He is not just going to forget about it. He wants to make sure we get to the bottom of it. We want to know who was involved and what it was all for. We have not received an apology and are still waiting to get hold of the people at Channel 4 and at the production company. We have been told that there is no one there at present. We are doing everything we can to get some answers."

"I understand that the prank was for a new Friday night show and that they did a similar thing to Paris Hilton in Cannes and they pulled a similar kind of stunt on Sharon Osbourne a couple of weeks ago."

When Channel 4 pulled this stunt on Sharon Osbourne, the feisty star marched into a nearby restaurant, picked up a champagne bucket full of ice and dumped it over the camaraman's head.

We're with Cruise on this one. We hope he sues everyone even remotely involved in this stupid stunt.

Now, picture the same incident, only this time the star is Russell Crowe. Instead of a tongue-lashing, no doubt the punkster and his crew would now be in intensive care. Now that would be funny.

Posted on June 20, 2005
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TomKat Edges Ahead Of Brangelina in Blogularity

The continual press releases and very public courtship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is finally paying off. The oft-denied, secret "affair" between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (or Brangelina, if you like) has now fallen just slightly behind TomKat in the polls blogs. The graph below clearly shows that Brangelina had a slight edge during most of June. Brad and Angelina are clearly the wiser of the two pairs. By using stealth and denial they have generated great interest in their brand relationship with much less effort than TomKat. All that work by TomKat -- appearing on talk shows, jumping on couches and wildly professing their love to millions of shocked listeners around the world -- appeared unable to overcome the sexy, cunning denials by Brangelina and Angelina Jolie's dominatrix outfit in Mr. And Mrs. Smith. That is until Tom Cruise whipped out the giant diamond engagement ring and proposed to Katie on the Eiffel tower, causing TomKat to surge in popularity. But will TomKat's marriage plans and amorous PR assault plan be enough to hold the lead over the coy denials of Brangelina?


Graph by Blogpulse.com

Posted on June 19, 2005
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Angelina Jolie, Condoleeza Rice and the Refugees

Here's a twosome we'd never thought to see sharing a stage and a laugh: Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie. But here they are launching the 5th Annual World Refugee Day celebrations at the National Geographic Society in Washington, D.C. on Wednesday. Paul Rusesabagina (whose life inspired the film Hotel Rwanda) was welcomed by thunderous applause that briefly stopped the ceremony.

Jolie eloquently and passionately reminded everyone that the United States was founded by refugees. "One of America's most inspiring symbols is the Statue of Liberty," she said. "She is the Mother of Exiles with her promise of refuge to the world's tired, poor, to those huddled masses yearning to breathe free, she welcomed millions of 'new Americans' over the years."

She also reminded the audience that there are millions of refugees whose futures are still uncertain: "World Refugee Day is the day we make sure they aren't forgotten."

Later that evening, Paul Rusesabingina, Terry George and UNHCR's Craig Sanders chaired a question-and-answer panel following a special screening of Hotel Rwanda. One of the audience members asked Rusesabagina how he found his courage to save over 1,200 Rwandans during the genocide, to which the Rwandan replied: "I remained who I was and did not follow the majority. The majority is not always right. Whoever kills knows that killing is never right."

CNN's Andrea Koppel interviewed Ms. Jolie after the conference, but Angelina ended the interview abruptly when all Andrea wanted to talk about was her relationship with Brad Pitt. Andrea had to confess to Wolf Blitzer her failure to find out the nature of the couple's relationship. No Pulitzer for her, clearly.

Posted on June 18, 2005
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Homage to the Elton John Chocolate Man

One of our bloggers was so inspired by the photograph of the Elton John Chocolate Man that he wrote two verses of a Chocolate Man song. Sing to the tune of "Rocket Man."

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till Tom Cruise is ever seen as sane again
I'm not the man to know if he's for real
Oh, no, no, no...I’m a chocolate man
Chocolate man sitting on display all alone

I weigh exactly as much as Elton does.
In fact I'm pound for pound.
And there's no way you could eat me all at once.
And all this press I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week.
A chocolate man, a chocolate man

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time...

Sorry, he just couldn't help himself.

Posted on June 17, 2005
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The 227 lb. Chocolate Elton John

Well, here's something you don't see every day: a 227-lb. chocolate statue of music superstar Sir Elton John, which was unveiled Tuesday at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in London. Pictured is David Furnish, Elton's fiancé, as he unveiled the mammoth chocolate statue which was made exactly to Sir Elton's measurements. The solid Cadbury "Rocket Man," which took 1,000 hours to make, was created after John was voted England's favorite pop star in a contest held by the candy company.

Rock superstar Elton John is famed for his tantrums and lavish lifestyle. Now it seems he has a sweet side after all. Madame Tussauds has created a chocolate likeness of the singer from bars of Cadbury's Dairy Milk. Sir Elton's partner David Furnish thought he looked good enough to eat. "It certainly looks like him," Furnish said at the statue's grand unveiling today. "They've captured his features and his spirit. I think Elton will be delighted."

Madame Tussauds then crafted the statue from 227lbs (126kgs) of Dairy Milk. It took more than 1,000 hours to create and was made to Sir Elton's measurements. The statue will be on show at the London tourist attraction until the autumn. It will be displayed in a special air-conditioned tent to prevent it from melting.

Well, now everyone knows exactly what the always-dieting Elton John weighs. We'll just see how happy he is about that.

Posted on June 17, 2005
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Hold on, Ladies?

Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? Schick Quattro has come up with a ridiculous series of Chippendale-like promotions for their latest razor at holdonladies.com. The most absurd of the lot is the one with a cowboy riding a giant razor. That's right. Hold on ladies, because a cowboy is riding a giant razor. Schick calls him the "Howdy Hottie" and provides downloadable "Howdy Hottie" content like ecards, calendars and wallpaper. Whatever happened to "buy a new razor, get two free refills" and other practical razor promotions? Clearly, it's time to switch to electric.
(Via Techie Diva)

Posted on June 16, 2005
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Party Time is Over For Paris

Paris Hilton tells Newsday that she's giving up the party lifestyle to live a quiet family life.

The 24-year-old hotel heiress, star of The Simple Life reality series, tells Newsweek magazine that when she was younger, "I thought it was cute to play a dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it's funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand."

But Hilton says she plans to give up her public life in two years, by which time she expects to become a mother with her fiance, Paris Latsis.

"I don't enjoy going out anymore," she says in the June 20 issue of the magazine, on newsstands Monday. "It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.'"

Of course the British tabloids are saying that she's going to be a mom in the very near future. Not that we read that rubbish.

Posted on June 15, 2005
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We Want One of These

We want one of these big head coasters from j-me for our coffee.

Stand them, stack them, line them up, flick them down and put your mug on their big heads. Available in shades of blue or beige.

(Via Ektopia)

Posted on June 14, 2005
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Christina Aguilera Music Used As Torture at Gitmo

It's been confirmed. The music of singer Christina Aguilera was really used as a torture method at Gitmo Camp at Guantanamo Bay. Time magazine obtained the official interrogation logs which lists the torture methods used to extract information from Mohammed al Qahtani, the so-called 20th hijacker.

Dripping Water or Playing Christina Aguilera Music: After the new measures are approved, the mood in al-Qahtani’s interrogation booth changes dramatically. The interrogation sessions lengthen. The quizzing now starts at midnight, and when Detainee 063 dozes off, interrogators rouse him by dripping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera music. According to the log, his handlers at one point perform a puppet show "satirizing the detainee’s involvement with al-Qaeda."

Dripping water on the prisoner's head while playing "I'm a Genie in a Bottle"? Puppet shows? Is that really effective? And if the interrogators consider listening to the dulcet tones of Christina Aguilera to be torture, what kind of music do they consider a listening treat?

Posted on June 14, 2005
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Thousands of Smileys

If you like smileys then you'll love SmileyCollector.com. The site includes all kinds of smiley-related items and media including smiley graphics, smiley poems, smiley quotes, smiley photos, and smiley links. The site also includes a smiley trivia page that explains the origins of the smiley:

Worcester, Mass., is the birthplace of the yellow smiley face. Resident Harvey R. Ball, who co-owned an advertising and public relations firm, designed the Happy Smiley Face in 1963 to boost the morale of workers in two recently merged insurance companies. Harvey Ball was paid $45 for his artwork by State Mutual Life Assurance Companies of America.

A Boston.com article has more about smiley creator Harvey Ball who died in 2001 at age 79:

He never applied for a trademark or copyright, something his son, Charles Ball, said his father never regretted.

"He was not a money-driven guy," Charles Ball told the Telegram and Gazette of Worcester. "He used to say, `Hey, I can only eat one steak at a time, drive one car at a time."'

"He'd get letters from all over the world thanking him for Smiley. How do you put a price on that? He died with no apologies and no regrets."

(via J-Walk Blog).

Posted on June 13, 2005
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Michael Jackson Acquitted on All Counts

Michael Jackson was just acquitted of all ten charges and is a free man. He looked pretty stunned as he came out of the courtroom, with only a couple of half-hearted waves at screaming fans. He drove away in his giant black SUV, leaving his attorney, Thomas Mesereau Jr.--he of the long, silver locks--to bask in the glory that comes with being the top criminal defense attorney in the U.S. right now. Was the jury convinced that the accuser's mom was a grifter out for a fast buck? Perhaps they were mesmerized by Mesereau's gorgeous, flowing hair. Whatever they were thinking during the trial, one thing's for sure: now all they're thinking about is their lucrative new book deals.

Posted on June 13, 2005
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The Robotic Super Suit

Japan just won't stop with the robot revolution. Now they've invented a robot suit that makes humans stronger.

"Humans may be able to mutate into supermen in the near future," said Yoshiyuki Sankai, professor and engineer at Tsukuba University who led the project.

The 15-kilogram (33-pound) battery-powered suit, code-named HAL-5, detects muscle movements through electrical-signal flows on the skin surface and then amplifies them. It can also move on its own accord, enabling it to help elderly or handicapped people walk, developers said.

The prototype suit will be displayed at the World Exposition that is currently taking place in Aichi prefecture, central Japan. Japan has seen a growing market for technology geared toward the elderly, who are making up an increasing chunk of the population as fewer younger Japanese choose to start families.

Note to the Robot Marketing Department: In the demonstration photo, a young, apparently healthy young guy is using the robot super-suit to lift a girl who couldn't possibly weigh more than 100 lbs., soaking wet. Perhaps it would be more impressive if the photo showed a 90 year old man lifting a car, or maybe even a sumo wrestler. Now that would be impressive.

Posted on June 13, 2005
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The Singing Park Benches

A new art project in England is placing seemingly intelligent bins and benches in a public area in The Junction at Cambridge University. The benches and trash bins, which are solar-powered, appear to move around, sing, avoid bad weather and head for the shade if they get too hot.

Bins and benches will be free to roam independently within the piazza. The Bins and benches are solar powered but, to passers-by, they will look like ordinary metal bins and standard wooden park benches. Each bench will drift slowly around the square and all bins and benches are equipped with sensors to detect the presence of objects in their immediate vicinity, coming to a complete halt when any object is closer than two meters. To guard against loss by theft, Bins and Benches have tilt alarms fitted and global positioning technology inside. Occasionally, when the weather is good, small clusters will gather and sing a harmony with the bins joining in with their sweet soprano voices.

The creators of the exhibit claim to have created the singing and dancing benches to give people some entertainment during the day. One might ask: who really wants to chase after a park bench?

Posted on June 12, 2005
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High Def TV: A Movie Star's Nightmare?

About 18 million people in the U.S. have High Definition TVs. Although most major shows are filmed in Hi Def, most Americans aren't really seeing what's there: wrinkles, acne scars and much worse are all now horrifically visible on the super-huge screens, which magnify every pore, scar and wrinkle. And that's got onscreen talent and makeup artists very, very worried.

"I'm seeing people in a whole new way," says Phillip Swann, president of OnHD.TV, an online magazine. "If somebody's aging or if they've got any old acne damage, it just jumps out at you. They've got no chance." The editors of OnHD.TV examined several dozen stars and compiled a list of heartthrobs who (they claim) wither under the unblinking gaze of high-def, including Cameron Diaz ("littered with unfortunate pockmarks"), Jewel (whose makeup "looks like it was done by Ringling Brothers") and Bill Maher ("scary"). I've seen the effect myself: when I recently watched a high-def close-up of Bradley Whitford -- a handsome star of The West Wing -- a normally insignificant mark on his forehead suddenly stood out like a third eye. I couldn't stop staring.

The high-def format's merciless gaze isn't solely a matter of screen resolution. Color is a factor, too. For years, government standards have limited the range of colors available to broadcasters, based on the technological limits of the time. With high-def, more colors can be used, including some formerly forbidden shades of red -- which means that blotches, zits and tiny nose-veins can be presented with the brutal clarity of a surgery textbook.

"It's almost too realistic, too digital and computery," complains Alexis Vogel, a veteran celebrity makeup artist who recently worked on Stacked, a high-def show starring Pamela Anderson. "We'd all like to go back to the old days." Makeup artists are now engaged in an arms race with the new medium. But they face a paradox: while makeup is more necessary than ever, its artifice is more obvious. You can't slather on powder when every grain looks like a boulder on your client's face. And interestingly, many cosmeticians predict that high-def could actually reduce the amount of plastic surgery in Hollywood, because the tiny seams look Frankensteinian at such high resolution. High-def is, in essence, a medium peculiarly unsuited to dissembling. "It's harder to change people from their natural form," Vogel adds.

So what does this mean? Some makeup artists are working on makeup that works with hi-def, but people who look stunning with no makeup will do best: anyone under 18 will flawless skin will look just fine. But there are a few stars who are said to actually look better in hi-def: Anna Kournikova, George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones "glow like supernovas." And Vogel tells The New York Times that "in high-def, Halle Berry's skin is so beautiful and flawless, she's almost a genetic freak." What a lovely compliment.

Posted on June 11, 2005
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Lindsay Lohan and the Computer Generated Plastic Surgery

The Times takes a break from reporting on world affairs to make fun of uptight American movie-goers who apparently were highly offended by the generous size of Lindsay Lohan's bustline at the screenings of Herbie Fully Loaded. The answer: digital plastic surgery.

Lohan, 18, had finished work on the fourth sequel to the 1968 film The Love Bug, about a sentient Volkswagen Beetle, when reports from test screenings indicated that some parents felt she came across as somewhat sensual for a family-oriented film. Disney technicians went though scenes showing the actress jumping up and down at a motor racing track and altered them with a computer program — reducing her bust by up to two cup sizes and raising the necklines on her T-shirts. Lohan is said to have been amused by what technicians call her "digital boob job." "I don’t know how Renée Zellweger kept swelling and shrinking for Bridget Jones: it’s no fun," she said recently. "Bring on the computer guys."

Lohan is not the only actress to have had her body shape altered by Hollywood’s computer wizards. Angelina Jolie was "trimmed" in a scene from the forthcoming film, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in which she slides down a rope.

"She did her own stunts, but that meant there was a bit of loose bosomry we had to tidy up and flatten down," said a technician on the film, which opens next month. "Maybe the original shot will turn up on the DVD."

Don't you just love the British newspapers? "Loose bosomry" indeed....

Posted on June 10, 2005
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Bird Attacks Spread to Other U.S. Cities

The bird attacks began in Houston and they are now spreading to other U.S cities. The recent attack in Houston, which closed an entire city block, was solved -- it was just adult grackles trying to protect a baby grackle. But what is causing the new incidents? The Christian Science Monitor reports on the latest bird attacks.

In Raleigh, North Carolina mail carrier Keith Cooper says he was attacked by six mockingbirds in a week.

In Washington, bloggers last week were busy cataloguing the adventures of an aggressive hawk that was buzzing cars.

In upstate New York, a high-strung woodpecker has destroyed dozens of car mirrors -- angered, apparently, by his own image and racking up insurance premiums.

The Monitor article also cites bird expert Alicia Craig, director of the Bird Conservation Alliance in Indianapolis, who names some of the birds that are most likely to divebomb you.

"We're seeing more and more inevitable clashes due to a lack of space," says Ms. Craig.

But certain species are definitely more Red Baronesque than others. Mockingbirds, crows, bluejays, Arctic terns, and even seagulls are known to divebomb.

And, more often than not, they have good reason to feel secure in their missions: Humans usually duck and run when ambushed by birds.

We humans duck and run because birds have sharp beaks and we have all seen Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

Posted on June 10, 2005
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Dancing With the Stars is a Hit

ABC executives were shocked to find out that their new reality TV show, Dancing With the Stars was a ratings hit in its Wednesday night slot. Its debut was one of the most watched programs of last week, and this week's ratings simply blew away the competition. The reality series, which pairs celebrities and professional dancers in a competition, averaged 14.9 million viewers and a 4.7 rating/14 share in the demographic, according to preliminary ratings results from Nielsen Media Research. That's up from the 13.5 million viewers who watched the debut last week. Viewers just loved watching Evander Holyfeld and Rachel Hunter trip the light fantastic.

The ballroom dancing competition series also grew its ratings strongly from its first half-hour to its second (adding over a million viewers in the process) -- indicating that unlike Britney Spears' new UPN reality show, viewers liked what they saw and are likely to tune back in again.

Dancing with the Stars' surprisingly strong debut ranked it as the most watched summer series premiere since CBS's smash-hit Survivor premiered back on May 31, 2000 and as the best Adults 18-49 summer debut since the NBC's Last Comics Standing premiered on June 10, 2003.

In an unusual bit of network candor, even the ABC executive responsible for the series had acknowledged odd nature of the series. "I am fully aware that this may sound like the craziest show anyone has ever heard of," ABC alternative programming executive vice president Andrea Wong had stated in the network's April announcement of the six-episode series.

"But in a world where it's easier for reality series to imitate than innovate, I just loved how fresh this format is. And the show's global success just shows how audiences around the world find it to be surprising, and undeniably fun," she added.

We think it's the whole Shall We Dance Effect. Jennifer Lopez has made ballroom dancing hot.

Posted on June 9, 2005
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The Phone Call That Could End Russell Crowe's Career

Russell Crowe's infamous telephone-throwing tirade at the Mercer Hotel in New York earlier this week landed him in jail, and facing assault charges in Manhattan's Criminal Courts. The hapless hotel clerk who ended up on the receiving end of a flying telephone when he couldn't or wouldn't help the lonely Oscar-winner call his wife in Australia from his $3900 a night hotel suite, ended up with a few cuts on his face. Now Crowe is apologizing and pouring his heart out to Australia's The Daily Telegraph.

[Crowe] blamed his state of mind on "the combination of jet lag, loneliness and adrenalin", having just returned to the US after a flying visit to London for the Kostya Tsyzu fight, without wife Danielle.

"I'm at the bottom of a well. I can't communicate how dark my life is right now," Crowe said. "I'm in a lot of trouble. I'll do my best to solve the situation in an honourable way. I'm very sorry for my actions." Holed-up in a New York hotel room and missing his family just a day after his arrest, he added: "I will spend the rest of my life if it takes it, trying to make it up with my wife." "I'm pleased that my son isn't able to compute what's going on at the moment because that would be a heartbreaking thing."

He was charged with assault and criminal possession of a weapon - a telephone - and faces up to seven years in prison. The actor was released after a brief appearance in a Manhattan court later that morning and ordered to appear again on September 14. A security camera tape from the Mercer Hotel lobby is being examined by authorities. "One thing that I don't want to do is imply that I'm trying to make out it's somebody else's fault," Crowe said. "It's not, I know it's my fault, I've got to face up to it and deal with it. "I'll cop whatever I cop."

"But I've got no excuses. There's nothing you can say to people to explain the combination of jet lag, loneliness, adrenalin. We flew over to see Kostya and back again in 20 hours and not being able to tell your wife that you're home and safe and you're okay is frustrating, particularly with the time thing."

The enormity of his situation is not lost on the Gladiator star. He said: "I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I'm just looking at what the situation is - it's a seven-year jail sentence."

So apparently Crowe could end up a) rotting in a jail cell for seven years; b) have his visa revoked; and /or c) never be allowed work in the U.S. again -- all because of a temper tantrum. And it's all up to 28 year old Mr. Estrada. Crowe says he didn't throw the phone at the clerk, but was aiming at the wall.

You know, we love Russell Crowe as an actor. But this anger thing has got to stop. He was so sweet and nice when he was on Oprah last year, telling Oprah about his favorite author (Studs Terkel), giving Oprah some of his favorite books, and showing home movies of his wedding to Danielle Spencer. Then we see him pushing his mod new stroller with baby boy tucked inside, like a proud papa. But the calm didn't last long.

On the bright side, we think that Mr. Estrada is about to become a very wealthy man.

Posted on June 8, 2005
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Enjoy Your Flight and These Credit Card Offers

You can no longer avoid credit card offers and other forms of advertising even while flying. Advertisers must have realized that you cannot escape their advertising pitches once you have boarded the plane and taken your seat. The Washington Post reports about this new inconvenience.

On a recent Alaska Airlines flight, passengers were told to remain buckled and seated for the last 30 minutes before landing at Reagan National Airport. It was a standard security measure for flights heading into restricted airspace over Washington.

It also turned a planeful of passengers into captive customers who were then pitched a Bank of America Visa card -- with little chance of tuning it out. Over the intercom, a flight attendant encouraged passengers to sign up for the Bank of America credit card. Then other flight attendants went down the aisle handing out applications.

We would rather be read Vogon poetry than endure this torture.

Posted on June 8, 2005
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Gillette Razor Ads Disassemble (That Means Not Tell the Truth, Right?)

You've heard the pitch on endless TV ads: The Gillette M3Power Razor first lifts hairs up, then mows them down. But alas, it appears that those razor claims are not true at all. Arch-rival Schick-Wilkinson Sword set out to save unsuspecting customers from this barrage of misleading razor ads. Schick hired an army of lawyers to obtain a preliminary injunction stopping Gillette from running the ads. Score the first victory in the Razor Wars as Schick: 1 Gillette: 0. MSNBC.com reports on the Judge's decision:

Gillette Co. ads claiming its M3Power razor raises hair up and away from the skin are "unsubstantiated and inaccurate," a federal judge said in siding with Gillette's chief competitor, Schick-Wilkinson Sword.

U.S. District Judge Janet C. Hall in Bridgeport, Conn. granted Schick a preliminary injunction prohibiting the use of the television and print ads. Gillette was also ordered to change packaging for the product and remove in-store displays that feature the false claims.

Posted on June 7, 2005
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The Two Minute a Day Exercise Plan

Now scientists are telling us that all it takes to stay in shape is six minutes of exercise a week, or a grueling two minutes a day of intense running.

Canada's McMaster University found just six minutes of intense exercise a week could be as effective as six hours of moderate activity. The Journal of Applied Physiology study showed short bursts of very intense exercise improved muscle capacity, and improved endurance. However, experts warn it might be too much for people not already fit.

Sprint training may offer an option for individuals who cite "lack of time" as a major impediment to fitness and conditioning. Under current guidelines, people are recommended to take moderate aerobic exercise for 20-30 minutes three to five times a week. The researchers compared 23 people given different three-times-a-week training regimes. All participants were reasonably fit and active. One group cycled for two hours a day at a moderate pace, and a second cycled for 10 minutes a day in 60-second bursts, at a slightly harder pace. A third group took part in sprint training - cycling at top speed for two minutes in 30 second bursts with four minutes rest between each sprint. The volunteers completed an 18.6 mile cycle ride at the start of the study, and repeated it after two weeks of training. All three groups were found to have improved to the same extent. Analysis showed the rate at which their muscles absorbed oxygen--a key measure of fitness--was the same.

Laughing hysterically, then doing wind sprints for two minutes outside your home every morning used to mean that you were off your meds. Now it just means you're following the hot new LOL Diet and The Two Minute Exercise Program.

Posted on June 7, 2005
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Advertisers Hope Neuromarketing Answers Their Dreams

Wired reports that scientists are scanning the brain to find more effective ways to influence your purchasing decisions:

Scientists are scanning brain activity in the hopes of catching sight of the physical mechanisms that determine whether you prefer Coke over Pepsi.

The nascent research, known as "neuromarketing," could one day lead to new advertising strategies that directly stimulate hard-wired mental reflexes rather than appealing to fuzzy consumer attitudes.

  "The hope in neuromarketing is that there's some process in the brain that is a better predictor of whether people will actually buy things than what we already have," said Colin Camerer, professor of business economics at the California Institute of Technology.

Oh Wow!! We consumers sure hope that's what the advertisers will soon be able to do! Please tap right into our primal neural centers so that we go into a psychotic induced state just to get the "right kind" of deodorant or paper towels!  We want to knock other consumers out of the way as we rampage towards the cereal section desperate for a box of corn flakes. We don't want to make our own decisions any more! Please advertisers help us decide what to buy by tapping right into our cerebral cortex.

Posted on June 6, 2005
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Baby Formula and Just About Everything Else to Move Behind the Counter at Grocery Store

Finding your grocery shopping to be a bit more burdensome than usual lately? Apparently, the powers that be have decided that baby formula is too dangerous to be left on the shelves, so it will be moved behind the counter. Apparently, some drug dealers might use powdered baby formula to cut drugs, so --voila!-- it has to be put out of their reach. This is from the same people that have infuriated allergy sufferers by moving the Sudafed behind the counter in some states, and in others limiting the amount you can buy or requiring shoppers to sign a register.

The high-priced item has long been an attractive target for shoplifters, who typically resell it on the black market at a reduced price or use it to cut drugs. Now, some supermarkets are fighting back, putting formula under lock and key just as they did with cigarettes many years ago.

"There is a point in time when you have to protect your assets," said Ted Seal, general manager of a Super Fresh store near Bethlehem that locked up its supply about a month ago because thieves had been stealing it by the caseload. Customers who want powdered formula now must ask a manager to unlock a case near the front.

At Albertson’s Inc., one of the nation’s largest supermarket chains, with more than 2,500 stores in 37 states, stores often keep a very small quantity on shelves, with signs directing customers to the service counter if they want more.

"It has been a problem for a number of years. People steal baby formula, take it to another store and return it" for cash, said Albertson’s spokesman Walt Rubel.

What's next to move behind the counter and require a signature before purchase? Deadly eye drops (someone might drink them to get high)? Dog food (someone might shoplift it and return it to another store for cash)? Pantyhose (someone might buy them and use them to cover their faces as they rob a bank)? Maybe it's time we instituted a 3-day waiting period on all toiletries.

Posted on June 6, 2005
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The LOL Diet

Bored with Atkins and The Zone? Feeling overwhelmed with ennui at the thought of Weight Watchers? Why not try what we like to call The LOL Diet? That's right, laughter is the new weight loss miracle. Salon has the scoop:

It may not be as good for reducing the waistline as going to the gym or resisting that ice-cream sundae, but American researchers have found that 10-15 minutes of genuine giggling can burn off the number of calories found in a medium square of chocolate. The findings on the weight-loss possibilities of the uniquely human experience of laughter were presented at the close of the annual European Congress on Obesity on Saturday.

Researchers at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee, recruited 45 pairs of friends, shut them in a room decorated like a cheap hotel -- scientifically known as a metabolic chamber -- played them comedy clips on a TV screen and measured how many calories they burned when they laughed.

The room was specially designed so the scientists could measure how much oxygen the volunteers inhaled and how much carbon dioxide they exhaled -- the gold standard for measuring energy burning. Noting differences in the oxygen and carbon dioxide patterns before and during laughter allowed the scientists to calculate whether laughter used more energy and how big the difference was. The heart rate, laughter and breathing information was then lined up in the special laughter lab and the tapes were analyzed second-by-second.

"They burned 20 percent more calories when laughing, compared to not laughing," Buchowski said. "Then we calculated what would happen if somebody laughed for 10 or 15 minutes a day and we found that it was up to 50 calories, depending on your body size and the intensity of the laughter."

That means that if you laugh for 10-15 minutes a day, you'd burn enough calories to lose two kilograms (4.4 pounds) in a year, Buchowski said.

In the spirit of The LOL Diet, here are links to The Onion, Fark.com and The Daily Show.

Posted on June 5, 2005
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Young Man Builds Website Requesting Date With Natalie Portman

Andy Goldfarb, a 140 pound, 5' 7'' nineteen year-old sophomore at the University of Connecticut in Storrs, CT has built a website to tell Natalie Portman, the actress who played Queen Amidala in the Star Wars films, that he wants a date with her. Goldfarb doesn't want to marry Natalie Portman or go on an exciting vacation with her. He just wants to "have a meal" with Natalie Portman.

So here it is. I'm pouring myself out. This site doesn't exist to proclaim how very much in love I am with Natalie Portman -- I've never even met the girl. No, this is simply a way for me to tell the world (and hopefully Natalie herself) that I feel as though we have the potential to be compatible. All I'm asking is for a chance to explore that compatibility, to see if we're a good match. If I get this date with Natalie and it's awkward and doesn't work out, so be it. I just need to know I tried.

If it's awkward? Why would it be awkward? Some comments in Goldfarb's FAQ make it sound like a not very exciting date.

How long have you been in love with Natalie? I never said I was in love with her. Again, I've never met her. I just think we share similar interests and it would be great to talk to her. I never said any of this has to be romantic.

Yeah, who wants a date to be romantic? So will Andy Goldfarb get a date with Star War star Natalie Portman? Probably not. His website isn't bad though. He should try his web design skills out on a less well-known girl that lives near to him. Chicks dig guys with skills. But he better hope the next girl he pursues doesn't see his DateMeNatalie.com website!

Posted on June 4, 2005
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Counterfeit Stamps End Subway Promotion

Some people will do anything to stay on the Subway diet, short of actually paying for a sub. The Sub Club promotion has been running since the 1980s. Subway customers would receive a stamp for each sub they purchased and when they filled up a book of eight stamps they could redeem it for one free sub. But a Sub Club counterfeiting ring has brought an end to the popular promotion. MSNBC.com has more about these bogus sub stamps:

But thousands of stamps are for sale at online auction sites and company officials said franchise owners were increasingly discovering counterfeit stamps.

"It's possible some of the stamps got by and we didn't even know," said company spokesman Kevin Kane. "It's possible we don't even know the extent of it."

Rolls of Subway stamps were even discovered on the Internet. We agree with Subway spokesman Kevin Kane -- it certainly seems like a lot of work just for a free sub.

When company officials discovered rolls of stamps available online, Kane said, it sealed the promotion's fate.

"All that effort and you’re getting free subs," Kane said. "It wasn't a cruise. It wasn't a trip to the Bahamas. You're getting free subs."

Posted on June 3, 2005
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Trust-Inducing Nasal Spray

Be very careful the next time a date offers you some nasal spray "to help with your terrible allergies," or a politician appears to be spraying the room with an "air freshener." Swiss researchers have found the secret chemical that can make other people trust you. It's called oxytocin and is secreted at various times. For example, when women have a baby they have higher oxytocin levels, presumably to make the mother bond with her child and vice versa. It's the biological basis of human trust.

University students who inhaled the hormone in a nasal spray were discovered to be far more trusting of one another -- eager, in fact, to hand over money to strangers in investment deals.

"We find that intranasal administration of oxytocin causes a substantial increase in trusting behaviour," a research team said. The team was led by Dr. Michael Kosfeld of the University of Zurich, whose findings appear in the journal Nature.

The study already has some cynical scientists musing about whether political operatives will try to crop-dust crowds with oxytocin at rallies, whereas more hopeful researchers see the hormone as a potential boon in treating people with social phobias, or rare genetic disorders that cause children to trust everyone they meet.

Some may worry about the prospect that political operators will generously spray the crowd with oxytocin at rallies of their candidates," said University of Iowa neurologist Antonio Damasio in a commentary in Nature.

Researchers also warn people not to confuse Oxytocin with Oxycontin, the popular painkiller that so many celebrities are addicted to. That's something else entirely.

Posted on June 2, 2005
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Neil Armstrong and the Stolen Lock of Hair

The Smoking Gun reports on the heinous crime committed by former Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong's barber. Apparently, Armstrong went in for a haircut one day and the devious barber stole a lock of his hair, which he sold for $3,000.00. Now, Armstrong wants his hair back.

Former Apollo astronaut Neil Armstrong is threatening to sue an Ohio barber who once cut his hair and then sold the locks to a collector. Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, is steamed at Marx Sizemore, who peddled the shorn hair for $3000 last May. Now, according to the below May 17 letter from Armstrong's attorney, the ex-astronaut wants Sizemore to retrieve the hair or contribute his proceeds from the sale to charity (Armstrong also wants to be reimbursed for his legal expenses). Ross Wales, Armstrong's lawyer, contends that the 35-year-old Sizemore's tonsorial hijinks violated a state law protecting the "persona rights" of famous Ohioans. Sizemore, who used to cut Armstrong's hair monthly at his Lebanon shop, told TSG that he did not initiate the hair sale, but rather was approached by Todd Mueller, a Colorado memorabilia dealer.

The barber is an idiot. This is Neil Armstrong, for Pete's Sake! He has The Right Stuff. He commanded Apollo 11. He was the first human to walk on the Moon! Clearly, the DNA extracted from his hair sample could have been sold for much more than $3,000. We don't know what this country is coming to -- clearly, our educational system is sorely lacking in the sciences....oh yeah, in ethics, too.

Posted on June 1, 2005
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Chicken Wins Jaywalking Case

Did you hear the one about the chicken that crossed the road and got a ticket for jaywalking? A chicken in Kern County, California was fined $54 for crossing the road. CNN reports that the fine was dropped after the attorney representing the chicken's owners argued that this particular chicken was domesticated and could not be considered livestock. That argument must have made sense to the judge because the law does not forbid domesticated chickens from crossing the highway. It is only illegal for livestock to cross California highways.

Posted on June 1, 2005
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