The best theory I've come up with so far, after brushing up on von Daniken's "Chariots of the Gods," is that it's the Hex Nut of the Giants, affixed to the end of a massive bolt that's holding the planet together. I haven't worked out yet how a race of titanic engineers managed to insert the bolt at Saturn's south pole. Nor have I identified the location of their hardware store, but we need to start looking for it right away, because NASA's video shows that it's swirling counterclockwise dangerously near what looks to me like the end of the bolt. If this thing keeps unscrewing ...

This atmospheric feature, first spotted in 1980, turns out to be more than a transient gap in the clouds. Last year it was spotted again by the the Cassini spacecraft, whose infrared spectrometer captured the first full image of the entire hexagon. Here's NASA's summary of expert opinion:

"This is a very strange feature, lying in a precise geometric fashion with six nearly equally straight sides," said Kevin Baines, atmospheric expert and member of Cassini's visual and infrared mapping spectrometer team at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, Calif. "We've never seen anything like this on any other planet. Indeed, Saturn's thick atmosphere where circularly-shaped waves and convective cells dominate is perhaps the last place you'd expect to see such a six-sided geometric figure, yet there it is."

The hexagon is similar to Earth's polar vortex, which has winds blowing in a circular pattern around the polar region. On Saturn, the vortex has a hexagonal rather than circular shape. The hexagon is nearly 25,000 kilometers (15,000 miles) across. Nearly four Earths could fit inside it.

The new images taken in thermal-infrared light show the hexagon extends much deeper down into the atmosphere than previously expected, some 100 kilometers (60 miles) below the cloud tops. A system of clouds lies within the hexagon. The clouds appear to be whipping around the hexagon like cars on a racetrack. "It's amazing to see such striking differences on opposite ends of Saturn’s poles," said Bob Brown, team leader of the Cassini visual and infrared mapping spectrometer, University of Arizona, Tucson. "At the south pole we have what appears to be a hurricane with a giant eye, and at the north pole of Saturn we have this geometric feature, which is completely different."

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Elton John Turns 60

Elton John celebrated his 60th birthday in style.

After a private party on Saturday, the Rocket Man landed at Madison Square Garden on the night of the big day. The Sunday concert, conveniently, also marked his 60th performance at the Garden, where he first appeared back on Sept. 23, 1973. John has now played the Garden more times than any single artist. John was introduced by fellow baby-boomer icon Bill Clinton, who congratulated the singer on "joining my favorite club — the 60-year-olds."

Elegant in a long, black coat over a white shirt and tie, John took his seat at the piano and let loose a string of golden oldies, beginning with, fittingly, SixtyYears On and the title track from Madman Across the Water. The set list was heavy on fan favorites, including signature singles Levon and Daniel.

After performing Empty Garden, a posthumous tribute to John Lennon, John was joined on stage by Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams, who provided a cheeky tribute. Noting John's understated dress, Williams quipped that the singer "used to make Liberace look Amish." Then another surprise guest appeared: John's partner in music for 40 years, Bernie Taupin, and he led the audience in singing Happy Birthday to You.

The concert will be broadcast April 5 on MyNetworkTV. The two-hour special, Happy Birthday Elton, also will feature celebrity interviews. If Saturday's party is any indication, there will be no shortage of footage. Held at the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine in uptown Manhattan, the black-tie affair (hosted by John's partner, David Furnish, and Sandra Brant and Ingrid Sischy of Interview magazine) featured an eclectic assortment of celebs: musicians Tony Bennett, Lou Reed, Brian Wilson, Bette Midler, Mary J. Blige, Yoko Ono, Kid Rock, John Legend, Lenny Kravitz, James Blunt, and Ozzy Osbourne; actors Richard Gere and wife Carey Lowell, Elizabeth Hurley and new husband Arun Nayar, Michael Caine, Pierce Brosnan, Kiefer Sutherland, Liv Tyler, Anne Hathaway and Chloe Sevigny; designers Donna Karan and Donatella Versace; media personalities Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters; and tennis great Billie Jean King.

Sir Elton just keeps on rockin' -- and he shows no sign of slowing down anytime soon.

Posted on March 26, 2007
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Ellen Presents Will With New Skating Costumes


Ellen DeGeneres presents Will Ferrell with skating costumes for his two little boys, telling him that she sewed them herself just this morning. Later, she confessed that designer Marc Jacobs had whipped them up. Ferrell's upcoming movie with Jon Heder, Blades of Glory looks hilarious: they are both skaters who are kicked out of competition for fighting, but somehow the rules allow them to compete as a pairs' couple. Expect lots of tight skating costumes, fabulous wigs, sequins and some slapstick. We likey already.You can see the trailer here. You can see Will on Ellen's show this Tuesday.

Posted on March 23, 2007
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Berlin Zoo Refuses to Kill Baby Polar Bear

Some insane activist who claims to support animal rights in Germany is demanding that a baby polar bear named Knut be euthanized rather than be raised in captivity by humans. Knut was abandoned by his mother, so the zoo veterinarian and staff stepped in to save his life. Polar bears are on the extinction list, so every bear we can keep alive is a victory.

At three months old, however, the playful 19lb bundle of fur is at the centre of an impassioned debate over whether he should live or die. Animal rights activists argue that he should be given a lethal injection rather than brought up suffering the humiliation of being treated as a domestic pet. "The zoo must kill the bear," said spokesman Frank Albrecht. "Feeding by hand is not species-appropriate but a gross violation of animal protection laws."

When Knut was born in December, his mother ignored him and his brother, who died. Zoo officials intervened, choosing to raise the cub themselves. But Albrecht and other activists fret that it is inappropriate for a predator, known for its fierceness and ability to fend for itself in the wild, to be snuggled, bottle-fed and made into a commodity by zookeepers. They argue that current treatment of the cub is inhumane and could cause him future difficulties interacting with fellow polar bears. "They cannot domesticate a wild animal," added Ruediger Schmiedel, head of the Foundation for Bears.

The charity cites a similar case of a baby sloth which was put to sleep after being abandoned by its mother last December in the Leipzig city zoo. But Berlin Zoo holds different opinions. Its chief vet Andre Schuele says the activists' criticisms would make him angry if he could take them seriously. "Polar bears live alone in the wild. I see no logical reason why this bear should be killed."

Schuele also argued that given the increased rarity of wild polar bears, it makes sense to keep them alive in captivity so that they can be bred. "Polar bears are under threat of extinction, and if we feed the bear with a bottle, it has a good chance of growing up and perhaps becoming attractive as a stud for other zoos," he said. Knut, who recently made the official A-list when he was pictured by celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz for an environmental protection campaign, is scheduled to make his public debut at the zoo in the next few days.

The Berlin Zoo essentially said that Frank Albrecht is nuts and that no one is going to kill the baby bear. Maybe Frank Albrecht should have his big mouth taped shut. That seems like a fair compromise.

Posted on March 20, 2007
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K-Fed Launches His Own Search Engine

Tired of using Google or MSN or Yahoo to search? You're in luck. Britney Spears' soon to be ex-husband Kevin Federline has launched his own search engine. Gizmodo explains:

If Google isn't sleazy enough for you, perhaps you'd like to try Searching with Kevin. Federline, that is. Yes, the guy who somehow escaped his marriage with Britney Spears looking like the sane one now has his own branded search engine that offers you chances to win prizes (going to Kevin's birthday party, OMG!) every time you search. There's even a Search with Kevin toolbar you can install, always keeping Kevin's famous research skills at your fingertips. Surprisingly, you can search for things other than porn, bling, and rhyming dictionaries, which seems to go against the whole spirit of the affair.

Watch out, Google! If K-Fed is as good at developing search algorithms as he is at rapping, you've got… well, nothing to worry about, I guess.

Actually, we still don't understand this at all. But we do know that you won't want to miss out on this exciting opportunity to Search With Kevin. After all, who could resist a search engine which has as its motto "Play With Fire" (in Ye Olde English Font, no less)?

Posted on March 19, 2007
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Saber Toothed Leopard Discovered

A new species of saber-toothed leopard has been discovered in Borneo.

It is a modern-day sabre-tooth tiger with fearsome fangs capable of killing its prey in a single bite. This clouded leopard which feasts on monkeys, deer and pigs has been discovered living deep in the Borneo rain forest. Long thought to be identical to the clouded leopards living on mainland South East Asia, genetic analysis has shown that the Bornean big cat is in fact a separate species.

Scientists have counted at least 40 key differences in the DNA of the two felines - making the two species of clouded leopard almost as different as a lion is to a tiger. Some of the differences are clear to the naked eye, with the elliptical spots or 'clouds' which give it its name, being smaller and darker on the island variety. The Bornean clouded leopard also has darker fur than its mainland cousin.

Dr Andrew Kitchener, of National Museums Scotland, said: "The moment we started comparing the skins of the mainland clouded leopard with the leopard found on Borneo, it was clear we were comparing two different species. "It's incredible that no one has ever noticed these differences." The research, which forms part of the WWF's Heart of Borneo conservation project, brings the number of new species to have emerged from the island's jungles in the last year to over 50. Plants and animals new to science include two species of tree frog and 30 types of fish, including a catfish with an adhesive belly that allows it to stick to rocks.

The scientists say the remote, and for a long time, inaccessible, forests of the world's third largest island are one of the 'final frontiers for science - a Lost World that must be preserved from threats from the logging and rubber industries. The Heart of Borneo, an 84,000 square mile, wild, mountainous region, covered with equatorial rain forest in the centre of the island, is the last great home of the Bornean clouded leopard. The island's most fearsome predator, the clouded leopard has the longest canine teeth of any feline, with fully-grown cats boasting fangs that are up to two-inches long.

The leopard is about the size of a labrador retriever, but we wouldn't recommend trying to pat one on the head. Nothing like two inch fangs to encourage people to keep their distance. We only hope that this report doesn't spur poachers to go after the leopard now.

Posted on March 15, 2007
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Britney's Rocky Road to Sobriety

More reports are surfacing about Britney's difficult time in rehab. The latest reports state that's she has suffered from bulimia since she was 16, which is why her meds haven't been working (she throws them up after meals.)

Britney Spears has told doctors that she has been bulimic since the age of 16. The 25 year old told staff at the Promises Centre in Malibu that she had suffered from the eating disorder for the past nine years. According to an American magazine, Spears tearfully told rehab staff, that she pigs out on junk food then makes herself vomit so she avoids putting on weight.

"Doctors are alarmed at the physical state she is in," a source at the rehab centre told the daily Express. "They confronted her about her desperately unhealthy lifestyle and the truth came pouring out." The source revealed to the Daily Express that Spears' confession made sense to staff, who were worried her medication wasn't working: "For the first few days, she’d take her tablets, then go off and eat breakfast or lunch. She was throwing the whole lot up, so, naturally, her medications weren't working. Now the medical experts know why, her progress should pick up a little speed."

Britney said she managed to avoid making herself sick during her two pregnancies, but when she gave birth she resumed with the unhealthy habit, in an effort to lose the baby weight. The source also reveals Spears' lifestyle had played havoc with her body, describing her as a "human wreck" when she first entered the rehab facility, adding "When she came here she was shaking and baking. Her whole body was wracked by spasms and she was hot one minute, then freezing cold the next.

"Her first week in detox was real hell. She was in a total mess but slowly she's pulling through."

We don't have a clue how much of this is true. The reports have said that she's bipolar, suffering from post-partum depression, has an alcohol and drug problem, and now that she's bulimec. Surely she can't have all those conditions at once, can she? We sure hope she sticks out rehab and beats her problems.

Posted on March 13, 2007
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Tori and Candy Spelling Reconciling

According to People, Tori Spelling and her mother Candy are in the process of reconciling their differences. Candy is about to be a grandmother and that has apparently been a motivating factor for mom and daughter to end their feud. Candy gave People an exclusive scoop about the happy reunion.

"We have been in touch with each other and are in the process of communicating and working things out," Candy Spelling says. According to Tori's brother (and Candy's son), Randy Spelling, 28, "My sister and my mom have been communicating for the past few weeks" – and are planning to see each other soon.

"They are going to be there for each other and [Tori's soon-to-arrive] baby. My mom is having a grandchild, and it puts things into perspective," Randy says. Randy adds that despite what has happened in the past, "No matter what, we are family, and they're resolving things and getting back together. They are communicating, and it makes both of them happy. It's definitely a mutual thing."

On Monday's Today, Tori, 33, also said she was hoping to reconcile with her mother but did not go into specifics. The bad blood between mother and daughter seems to stem from a variety of factors – including the negative portrayal of the mother character in Tori's VH1 sitcom So NoTORIous. Things worsened after Tori's father Aaron Spelling died in June.

However, Randy, who stars in the A&E program Sons of Hollywood (debuting April 1), says that the imminent arrival of Tori's baby with her husband Dean McDermott is helping ease the tension. He says his mom is "so excited" about becoming a grandmother. "You always have that motherly instinct," he says. "People can fight, but they love each other."

That is such good news! We hated the idea that Tori would have the baby and not have her mama at her side bearing fabulous gifts in little blue boxes from Tiffany's. So, has Candy dumped the gigolo boyfriend that caused the split in the first place? He needs to be kicked to the curb so that Candy can be left free to spoil her darling new grandchild.

Posted on March 12, 2007
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Sheryl Crow Is Looking For a Cowboy

Cheryl Crow is looking for love in the Lone Star State. She told a rodeo crowd in Texas that she hasn't given up on Texas yet and that she's looking for a good cowboy.

Things didn't work out between Sheryl Crow and Austin native Lance Armstrong, but the singer is still optimistic about the Lone Star state. "My sister said I needed to come out here and just say it: I'm looking for a cowboy," she told a rodeo crowd on Wednesday. "I'm not giving up on Texas – yet."

Amid cheers at the Houston Livestock and Rodeo Show, Crow then launched into her hit "Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man." Mid-way through the song she hollered, "Anybody up for the job?" The past year has been emotional for the Missouri-born Crow, 45, who split with Armstrong in February and was diagnosed with breast cancer that same month (she has since successfully completed treatment).

"This is a real special night," she told the crowd on Wednesday, "because this time last year I got diagnosed with breast cancer and we couldn't come and we were so disappointed." Crow cancelled her performance at the 2006 rodeo after undergoing surgery. In a show of support, fellow breast cancer survivor Melissa Etheridge played at the event instead.

Wednesday's event had a "Paint the Rodeo Pink" theme in honor of the battle against breast cancer. Vendors sold pink cowboy hats with awareness ribbons on the brim – and Crow urged the audience to join the fight. "We appreciate you wearing your pink," she said. "I know cowboys don't normally wear pink – but real cowboys can get away with it." Crow entered the rodeo ring on her own horse, a black and white-spotted Tennessee Walking Horse that reared on cue. She rode around the ring waving to the crowd before her horse extended its front left leg and bowed deeply.

Hmmm...we're not sure that the rodeo is actually the place for Sheryl Crow to find a nice guy. Still, if she's really looking for a cowboy to love, then she's certainly going about it the right way.

Posted on March 8, 2007
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Angelina to Adopt Vietnamese Boy

Because having three very young children is just not enough, Angelina Jolie is now adopting a four year old boy from Vietnam, confirmed the top adoption official.

Jolie chose the boy, who is between 3 and 4 years old, during a recent visit to the Tam Binh orphanage on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh City, said Vu Duc Long, the head of the justice ministry's international adoption department in Hanoi.

Under ordinary circumstances, it takes about four months to process an adoption after the forms arrive, Long said. If the prospective parent already has chosen a child, the adoption can be completed in just three months. "Three months would be the longest," Long said, adding that Jolie's case could be processed faster than that.

*****

Jolie and her partner, Brad Pitt, have three children: 5-year-old Maddox, adopted from Cambodia; 2-year-old Zahara, adopted from Ethiopia; and another daughter, Shiloh, who was born to the couple in May. The pair made a surprise visit to the Tam Binh orphanage at Thanksgiving, when they were spotted cruising around Ho Chi Minh City on a motorbike.

Angelina told Anderson Cooper that Zahara was very jealous of little Shiloh Nouvel. So how will she feel about a new older brother? If the kids begin to object to having more siblings, will Angie and Brad listen to them at all? Somehow it seems unlikely that Angelina will ever listen to anyone else's advice, so the answer is probably "no."

Posted on March 7, 2007
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Judge Sees No Evidence of Murder of Princess Diana

The Coroner in the Princess Diana inquest has said that so far she has seen no evidence that Princess Diana was murdered. Dodi Fayed's father is furious and is demanding that Prince Philip and Prince Charles be called as witnesses.

The inquest into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales will examine any evidence that she was pregnant on the night she died along with other conspiracy theories already allegedly demolished by the £3.69 million Lord Stevens report, it emerged yesterday. Among claims to be looked at are her alleged fears for her life, said to have been expressed in a letter to her butler Paul Burrell, and in conversations with her lawyer Lord Mischon and friends.

The potential scope of the inquest was disclosed at a pre-inquest hearing yesterday by Coroner Baroness Butler-Sloss and lawyers representing interested parties including the Harrods' owner Mohamed Fayed, whose son Dodi died in the same Paris car crash 10 years ago.

Lady Butler-Sloss outlined the inquest's remit in a letter read to the court stating: "It is very likely that the inquests will have to inquire, to an extent at least, into the following areas: the Princess of Wales's alleged fears for her life; the suggestion that she was pregnant; the embalming of her body and its purpose; and the acquisition by Dodi Fayed of a ring on 30th August 1997. "The inquest may also have to inquire further into such areas as: the identity of the driver of the unidentified white Fiat Uno; any cars which may have blocked the route of the Mercedes; the cause or operation of any 'strobe light'."

*****

Mr Fayed has claimed the couple were assassinated as part of an "Establishment" plot involving the Duke of Edinburgh and agents of the state. However, Lady Butler-Sloss, 73, a former judge, told the hearing yesterday she would only put these matters before a jury if Mr Fayed's team produced evidence in support of the allegations. "At the moment there's not a shred of evidence given to me about any of these allegations," she said. "For me to explore them and for me to present them to the jury I do need some evidence," she told Michael Mansfield, QC, for Mr Fayed.

We seriously doubt that this so-called "inquest" is going to turn up any new evidence whatsoever. It will be a whitewash. The whole thing was just too weird, what with the driver having those strange drugs in his system, his history of working as a contract spy -- the whole thing stinks to high heaven.

Posted on March 5, 2007
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Swiss Army Briefly Invades Liechtenstein

The BBC reports that a unit of the Swiss army briefly invaded Liechtenstein before realizing their mistake and turning around.

A 171-strong Swiss company got two kilometres into its neighbour before realising the mistake and heading back.

Liechtenstein authorities made light of the intrusion, saying they only knew about it when the Swiss told them.

In 1985, the Swiss had to pay Liechtenstein compensation when rockets fired by its army went astray and set a forest ablaze.

Tiny vulnerable Liechtenstein does not have a military to defend themselves. According to the Wikipedia entry Liechtenstein once had an army of 80 men but they disbanded it in 1868. The BBC says Liechtenstein has tried to play down the incident. A spokesman for the Liechtenstein authorities said, "It's not like they invaded with attack helicopters." The headline of the New York Times story for the Swiss incursion into Liechtenstein is, Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein. (via Daily Intelligencer)

Posted on March 3, 2007
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Paris Hilton Facing Jail Time

Paris Hilton is in big trouble...again. This time she may be facing jail time for violating her probation. She's on probation for her DUI conviction. But one of the terms of her probation is to abide by all laws. She was caught driving in her $200,000 Bentley with no headlights and a suspended license.

Police seized Paris Hilton's $190,000 Bentley after the heiress was caught driving on a suspended license, and prosecutors vowed on Wednesday to ask a judge to revoke her probation for reckless driving. Hilton's spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said his client was not aware her driving privileges had been curtailed. A court determination that Hilton violated the terms of her probation could result in the 26-year-old reality TV star being fined or even jailed for up to 90 days, a spokesman for the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office said.

Hilton was pulled over on Sunset Boulevard in the city of West Hollywood at 11 p.m. on Tuesday for driving without headlights, and her luxury car was impounded when police discovered her license had been suspended, a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman said. The incident comes about five weeks after Hilton was sentenced to three years probation for pleading no contest -- the equivalent of a guilty plea -- to alcohol-related reckless driving stemming from a September arrest in Hollywood.

"Miss Paris Hilton was driving the vehicle. After investigating her license status it was determined that she was driving on a suspended license," sheriff's spokesman Oscar Butao told Reuters. "Miss Hilton was cited for a suspended license violation and released in the field. Her 2007 blue Bentley Continental GTC was impounded," Butao said. Authorities can hold the 12-cylinder, 550-horsepower, which she bought herself for Christmas, for up to 30 days. City Attorney's Office spokesman Frank Mateljan said driving on a suspended license violated the terms of her probation for the reckless driving offense.

Once police present prosecutors with the citation, the City Attorney will ask a court to revoke her probation, and a hearing on the matter will be set. If the judge revokes her probation, Hilton could face penalties ranging from 90 days in jail to a new, lengthier probation sentence, fines or additional community service obligations, Mateljan said.

Paris' long-suffering publicist, Elliot Mintz, said that Paris called him and asked whether her license was suspended, which clearly indicates that she did not know it was. Therefore, reasoned Mintz, Paris did not willfully violate her probation. Which is really nice spin, if you ask us. We hope she's paying Mintz enough, because that guy really earns his paycheck.

Posted on March 1, 2007
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